As you may know if you have been around the blog for a while now aside from being a coach, I am also on my own constant journey of personal growth and development. Having said that one of the biggest things that I have determined plagues many of us, myself included, is the practice of self sabotaging our own success, happiness, growth, etc. I think as people unfortunately we are often our own biggest critics and enemies. We are often the number one thing stopping us from reaching our goals. And girl I am just as guilty of this, as many of you probably are. Hell I realized I was self sabotaging just this weekend, and I do this stuff for a living. I say that to let you know that no one is perfect or immune from these things, and it doesn’t mean that you aren’t still doing the work if these kinds of behaviors or thoughts come up. Because of this I wanted to take today to talk about 7 of the most common ways that we self sabotage, and how to combat them, so that they don’t hold us back.
Self doubt is, in my opinion, one of the most crippling ways that we hold ourselves back and self sabotage because it is rooted in the belief that we aren’t good enough, and boy can that stop anything. If we don’t believe in ourselves, and our ability to do things, then there is no way that we will actually accomplish them. So if you find that you are struggling with self doubt I really encourage you to work on your belief in yourself. Start small by doing things you know that you can succeed at, and that will help to show your brain the evidence that you are capable.
Comparison is the thief of joy! I know I know I say it all the time, but it is true. And especially in the day and ago of social media, I find that so many of the women I speak to get caught in the endless scroll of comparison; constantly comparing themselves to those they see online, and eventually the people in their own lives. One of the biggest ways to combat comparison is to remove the things that trigger you and lead to comparison. For example if you know that a particular Instagram account triggers you to negatively compare yourself to someone else, then it is probably not the best idea to be following that account.
Negative Self Talk
Oh boy, one of my own personal struggles! Negative self talk I think is one of the things I see most often plaguing women because we are inherently harder on ourselves. If you find yourself speaking unkindly to yourself, constantly beating yourself up, or being your own most harmful inner critic, then I really encourage you to address the way that you speak to yourself. Try speaking kinder to yourself, almost like a friend or a child. If you can shift the internal dialogue from harmful to helpful, then you can become your own biggest cheerleader.
Of all of the ways we can self sabotage ourselves I think that is probably the most crippling, and in my opinion the one that affects the most people, and that is fear. Fear is the thing that most often talks us out of doing what we want. It convinces us that we can’t do something, we aren’t good enough, or that something won’t work out in our favor. But the truth is that that is just your brain’s way of protecting you from unknown and often scary situations. Well newsflash the only way to get through fear is to go through it because on the other side of that comfort zone is self confidence and incredible opportunity.
One of the things I hear so much working with other women are excuses. Now I don’t say that to sound harsh, but the truth is that for most of us when we want to stop or sabotage ourselves from doing something we come up with an excuse to back up our self sabotage; almost like providing a brain with a reason that it’s ok and valid. But the simple fact is that in order to not be held back by your own excused you have to learn to recognize whether what you are telling yourself is valid and honest or an excuse.
Now I don’t mean this harsh, but I see so many women do this that I couldn’t not include it in this list, and that is settling. I don’t know what it is about women as a whole, I guess is has to do with the whole history of women and patriarchal society in general, but I find women are so much more willing to settle that actually chase after the crazy and amazing things that they dream about. Well let me just stamp that shit out right now! You are incredible, and do not need to settle period! Your desires and dreams are valid, and you deserve to chase after them.
This is probably the term that I hear thrown around the most when it comes to mindset and personal development, and it often confuses people, so let me set the record straight for a second. Limiting beliefs are simple the thoughts and mental patterns or beliefs that you have that hold you back or limit you. Unfortunately that is a pretty generic term, but it is nevertheless important because let’s face it if something is going to hold you back or make you sabotage your own progress it is going to be more likely than not something mental holding you there. The biggest suggestion I can recommend is to learn to identify your limiting beliefs and then think about how you can start to shift them.
Self sabotage is normal! But it doesn’t have to be your normal. You can learn to identify the things that you use to hold yourself back, and how to combat them, if you are willing to get a little introspective. The hardest part is swallowing your pride, and recognizing that you control how you react to a situation, and you control your own progress.